The following is a beautiful Hadith from Sahih al Bukhari:

Let us consider this hadith in debth:

The wives of Allah's Apostle were in two groups. One group consisted of 'Aisha, Hafsa, Safiyya and Sauda; and the other group consisted of Umm Salama and the other wives of Allah's Apostle.

The Muslims knew that Allah's Apostle loved 'Aisha, so if any of them had a gift and wished to give to Allah's Apostle, he would delay it, till Allah's Apostle had come to 'Aisha's home and then he would send his gift to Allah's Apostle in her home.

The group of Umm Salama discussed the matter together and decided that Umm Salama should request Allah's Apostle to tell the people to send their gifts to him in whatever wife's house he was. Umm Salama told Allah's Apostle of what they had said, but he did not reply. Then they (those wives) asked Umm Salama about it. She said, "He did not say anything to me." They asked her to talk to him again. She talked to him again when she met him on her day, but he gave no reply. When they asked her, she replied that he had given no reply.

They said to her, "Talk to him till he gives you a reply." When it was her turn, she talked to him again. He then said to her, "Do not hurt me regarding 'Aisha, as the Divine Inspirations do not come to me on any of the beds except that of 'Aisha." On that Umm Salama said, "I repent to Allah for hurting you."

Then the group of Umm Salama called Fatima, the daughter of Allah's Apostle and sent her to Allah's Apostle to say to him, " Your wives request to treat them and the daughter of Abu Bakr on equal terms." Then Fatima conveyed the message to him. The Prophet said, "O my daughter! Don't you love whom I love?" She replied in the affirmative and returned and told them of the situation. They requested her to go to him again but she refused.

They then sent Zainab bint Jahsh who went to him and used harsh words saying, "Your wives request you to treat them and the daughter of Ibn Abu Quhafa on equal terms." On that she raised her voice and abused 'Aisha to her face so much so that Allah's Apostle looked at 'Aisha to see whether she would retort. 'Aisha started replying to Zainab till she silenced her. The Prophet then looked at 'Aisha and said, "She is really the daughter of Abu Bakr."

What can we learn form this hadith?

1. Women work in small groups. Many of the dowry problems arise because of some "inner groups’ in every family!

2. Women go on insisting rather nagging on their demands. …. But men should be careful to see whether the demand is a genuine one or not. If the demand is not genuine, men should be assertive to deny their demands.

3. See how the Umm Salama (RA) group continues their efforts one after the other. They even went to Fathima (RA) and when that failed they insisted her to go again to the Prophet which she denied. And they sent Zainab (RA) too to achieve their end. Continuous nagging is one nature of women.

4. Silence is always a better way to confront women. Here in this case the Prophet (SAW) maintained silence twice.

5. If at all you have to refute – be brief in your words. Loose talk always spoils the purpose.

6. Taqwa alone can save women from making such non-genuine demands. May Allah shower His Blessings upon Umm Salama (RA) when she said: "I repent to Allah for hurting you."

7. Women usually understand facial expressions better than men. See how beautifully Aisha (RA) narrates the hadith and how quickly she understands from the facial expressions of Prophet Muhammad (SAW)

8. Have you noticed this? Hadrat Aisha (RA) narrated every aspect of this episode in detail except what was uttered by Zainab (RA) and how Aisha (RA) silenced her. Such careful omission is necessary to reduce family fights.

9. Imagine, the same situation occur in our family, how do we men react? Our ego goes up and we shout at our wives… But see our Prophet(SAW). He never raised his voice and not even said a word against Zainab (RA) who raised her voice in front of him.

10. Understanding the nature of women can reduce family fights.

11. How to cool down whenever there is heated arguments go on in our family? Just cracking a joke in a timely manner solves the whole issue. Look at the Prophet’s words when he looked at 'Aisha and said, "She is really the daughter of Abu Bakr." This is possible only for emotionally intelligent people.

12. Let each of us also learn this from the Prophet (SAW) to sleep with our wives under one cover!

(May Allah (SWT) be satisfied with all the wives of the Prophet (SAW) who are our Mothers and may Allah (SWT) forgive us if our words about them cross the limits).

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